Nuts and Bolts
by Kavery12
Summary: Ed quite literally has a few screws loose. Al is not having a good day.


I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.

*Clink, tang, ping, clatter*

"AL!" an irate voice roared.

"I'm _sorry_ brother, but I can't help it! My fingers are bigger than yours!"

"Well, your arm's longer than mine, reach into the vent and get it!"

Al stared patiently at his big brother. "Have you seen the size of my hand? It's not going to fit down a floor vent."

"Well, it's too far for me and I only have one arm thanks to you dropping the screw down the vent. And _you_ don't have an arm thanks to that terrorist. So it's got to be you. I know! I can get the hacksaw and trim your arm up a bit!"

"_Brother!_ You CANNOT saw my arm apart! You'll have to go get help. It'll have to be someone like Havoc or the colonel, they have long arms."

There was a long, awkward pause.

"Reach down the vent and get it."

"BROTHER! Either go get some chalk or go get a person with long, skinny arms!"

"Hawkeye said I wasn't allowed any chalk after that incident with the Fuhrer's statue out front."

Al sighed, a huge, armour-rattling, bone-deep expression of exasperation.

"So go get Havoc. He'll help you if you remind him of the time I helped him with the cayenne-peppered bouquet prank."

"That was you and Havoc? That was great! It was the first time I'd ever seen Mustang get dumped! All right, I'll go get Havoc."

"Thank you." The door clicked shut and Al sighed again. "Whatever did I do to deserve such a high-maintenance brother?"

He propped himself up against the wall and waited patiently. Sure enough, Ed returned with a snickering Havoc in tow. "It's down there," Ed pointed. Havoc took a look and then grinned slyly. "Y'know boys, you'll owe-" Al cut in. "We won't owe you. I'll just call it even for the cayenne pepper prank. Unless you want Hawkeye to find out who put the rip in the colonel's new leather couch?"

Havoc paled. "But that was Breda!" Al giggled evilly, giving even Ed goose bumps. Al wanted his arm back. NOW. "But who will Hawkeye believe, me or you?"

"Okay, okay. I'll get the screw." Shuddering at the quiet sadism of the younger Elric, Havoc opened the vent and stuck his arm right down up to the shoulder. "I got it."

Then things took a turn for the worse.

"Uh, guys. We have a problem." Ed rolled his eyes in exasperation. "You're stuck, aren't you?" Havoc groaned. "I have to be back before Hawkeye comes looking for me." Al thought for a minute. "Do you have a pencil?"

Just then the door creaked open. "Well, well, well, what do we have here?" a low, haughty voice drawled.

Al would have closed his eyes in silent despair, if he could have.

"What does it look like?" Ed asked indignantly, rolling on without waiting for an answer. "Al dropped the screw for my arm down the vent and we couldn't get it back. So we asked Havoc, who has long arms. But he got stuck, frickin' useless guy." Mustang smiled arrogantly, producing the essential piece of chalk. "I suppose I can help you out."

"We don't – mmmmf!" Al's remaining hand clamped gently over his loud brother's mouth.

"Thank you, Colonel. I'd like to have my arm back, so if you could give us a hand, it would be appreciated." Even missing an arm, Al was strong enough to keep his brother silent for the two seconds it took for Mustang to sketch a quick circle and retrieve both Havoc's arm and the screw.

When the screw was carefully placed in Ed's arm and he had transmuted Al's arm back, Mustang finally made the crack. "So, Fullmetal. Your short little arms couldn't make it down the vent? Seems they can't do up _or _down."

Ed's face flushed purple. "So I can't reach the top shelf in the library yet! It just means that the world hasn't enlightened itself to my level!" Mustang smiled irritatingly as Havoc made a break for the door. "Really? Because I could have sworn I heard you telling Hawkeye that you grew a whole half centimeter. Congratulations! You've graduated from bean to bean sprout!"

"Brother, Colonel, please. It's lunchtime and I don't want to get in trouble with Hawkeye again!" They ignored him, well in the throes of a squabble.

Al slipped out the door. He'd go get Hawkeye and subtly let her know that Ed had been the one who had let Hayate run through the puddle while Mustang had egged him on. It may be petty, but at least Al felt better.

Plus the fireworks would be fun to watch.


End file.
